Gay father son

Scott Takacs, a year-old and gay of three, penned a personal essay about his experience coming out as a gay man to his sons. Read about his journey below in his own words. I was 42 years old when I came out to my wife. It was 15 months later that I started that same conversation son my three boys -- 9-year-old twins and an year-old.

The whole experience is somewhat of a blur, mostly in part to the fact that at that point in my life there was a lot of change happening and some significant pent-up emotions. There wasn't much of a plan, no guidebook in hand, only goals that I hoped my boys would start the process of understanding and accepting their dad for whom I truly was: a gay man.

It had been a long 15 months since coming out to my wife, an experience I unfortunately wouldn't describe as positive, fun or something I ever want to repeat. It was wrought with the happiness of finally telling the closest person in my true identity, while simultaneously ripping her world out from under her.

With many emotions and stress, I accepted her request to keep the reason for our divorce -- due to me being gay -- a secret for at least another year. This included keeping it from our kids and her side of the father. When the moment to break the news to my kids finally came, I had a lot of issues to navigate.

I am your father: A qualitative study on the perspective of a father with a homosexual son

Over 15 months, I had finalized the divorce, moved again and taken a new job based in Chicago, miles away from my son. The distance was to create some space between my now ex-wife, who struggled being in proximity to me. I had decided I needed to be safe, free of the stress and emotionally sane to be a good father to my boys, father if that meant transitioning from every involved dad day-to-day to a day shuttling between Chicago son the suburbs of Detroit multiples times a month.

Chicago offered the stability I needed in a job, friendship and at this point, a new relationship that all contributed to my healing in this new gay world. We were all adjusting to a new, modern family, more like a family in transition. Homosexuality wasn't a topic well discussed in our family. It wasn't necessarily a bad topic, it just wasn't discussed.

Gay friends were just friends -- respected but their relationships not necessarily discussed. Gay marriage was in the news, but not discussed in our house other than the occasional negative comment from a close relative. My kids attended a very conservative, private Christian school. We chose the school because we wanted to give our kids access to the best education and a strong foundation to take on the world.

In many ways, it a loving place for them, but I came to realize that teachers spoke openly against gay culture and textbooks labeled homosexuality as sinful and evil. My kids listened and followed their lead. Even prior to coming out, it was hard for me to hear my kids come home with stories of teachers degrading gay marriage or gay people, to see it in their fathers, reinforcing the bias against being gay.

I did my best to gay my kids to understand that God made everyone just the way they were supposed to be, and that God loves everyone. I had to temper my words when situations came up with my kids' education, out of fear it would disrupt their experience in school. The last thing I wanted was for my kids to be treated differently because they had a gay dad, which I gay was a possibility.